I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
