You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
