Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well most of my day revolves around power hour
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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