i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
