You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
