I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
