I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
