Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
