I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
