CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
