my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize