Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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