I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do herpes really smell.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
