He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
MIDGETS
????
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
