If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
