Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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