I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize