Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
