woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
