He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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