well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
