Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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