Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
