When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
