Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
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A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Drunk is a universal language darling
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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