Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
