Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
