Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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