don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
