First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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