tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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