Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
