So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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