If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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