My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
