i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
