if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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