don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
