A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
