3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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