I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
