I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
