Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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