He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
