I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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