It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
