There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
