The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize