So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
