i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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