im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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