those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
