Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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