I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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