I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sext me about skeletons
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
