3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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