Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You can't motorboat a personality
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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