Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
