I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
