your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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