She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
