Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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