shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
