end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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