Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
