I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
