my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
