mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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