just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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