K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
