we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
