It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
