I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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