DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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