the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
