dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
