Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
