I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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