Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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